Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders if climate summits could be the cure for the dreaded swine flu. The epidemic seems to have totally disappeared since Copenhagen started...

   So the baby was watching Dora The Explorer today. For some reason, they were making donkey noises. My first thought was Dora had been deported and was now in Tijuana doing a "show" with a donkey! Glad I was wrong.

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   not a flinstone but i'll make your bed rock

   down at Fraggle Rock!!

   thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown

   if everyone I knew was an artist and they could paint their lives on a canvas, then I'm afraid I would see far too many people using sandpaper instead of a paintbrush. Tragic.

   : Women are like Vegetables: You need a Variety to remain Healthy!!!

   would describe himself in 3 words........moody,annoying,awesome......(the first 2 are what my wife said when I asked her).

   first a man, then I was a dragon-man, then I was just a dragon. TROOOGGGDDDOOORRR!!!

   a man walks up to his wife with a sheep under his arm, and says.. this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headach... confused, the wife says... thats not a pig under your arm?? I wasnt talking to u, replys the man

   Michael jackson hasnt been this stiff since Mucully Culkin spent the night at Neverland ranch..

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head

   not all women are annoying,,, some are dead

   How did they know kurt cobain had dandruff... they found his head and shoulders on the floor;)

   about the time we make ends meet, someone moves the ends.

   No one needs a vacation more than the person who just had one.

   "This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

   why is that everything is the same day by day, but in 5 years everything is so different?

   thinking the perfect holiday date for me this year has WELL HUNG stockings, a mistletoe belt buckle, nice christmas balls and NUMBA 1 SPOT on the naughty list.