Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..it's so cold that Britney Spears made sure she was wearing underwear before she went out.

   The light at the end of the tunnel is still on. It's just controlled with a motion sensor to conserve enrgy!

   gonna head to the freezer to warm up a bit

   You need people like me so you can point your finger and say thats the bad guy.

   used to be a virgin, but he's paying tax now.

   thought long and hard and finally made a decision on his New Year's resolution....it will remain 1024 x 768

   I have a friend whose status says: "Suicidal - Standing on the edge of a cliff". So I poked him...

   New Year, New Beginnings, New Me, New Attitude, New Bullsht............watch out I'm New and Improved......

   the problem with new years resolutions is that people aim to high, start small like..."im not going to fart in church."

   taking the road less traveled . . . . now where am i?

   going to make his new years resolution to procrastinate more, but he is going to wait until next year

   you know you are married when the sportscenter theme song excites you more then your wife's advances

   loves the feeling of new socks on his feet...

   ..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.

   Every time someone takes me off their Facebook friend list an angel looses its wings.

   Smile and the world will smile back at you .. :D

   Its so cold, if you suck on an ice cube it gets bigger.

   read that "Tiger is ready to quit golf to save his marriage" - I'm no therapist but I am pretty sure quitting other women would be even more effective.

   Let's see how forthcoming my FBF'S are . Leave a swear word or your favorite cuss . I know most of you have potty mouths so go for it let loose.

   "Wonder Bread , Fluff and Skippy" a timeless combination