Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   woke up this morning feeling like P-Diddy

   and thats how I lost another watch

   an angel. When someone breaks my wings, I simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. I am flexible.

   I love U, I love U, I love U. Don't get me wrong, I love other letters also.

   The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to know when they're in big trouble.

   There are [0/1 (52x^7/2 – 66x^5/2 + 22x^3/2) / vx) dx] kinds of people in this World...Those who understand Calculus and those Who Don't !

   99% of all women leave there mouth open while applying the makeups, 1 % dont have mirrors

   finds it satisfyingly funny that the initials for Valentine's Day are "V.D."

   leaving a post it note in this bathroom, saying "outta toilet paper but feel free to use this..."

   hates when you r waiting 4 the bus & someone asks "has the bus come yet?" if the bus came, would I be standing here??????? Oh right here the f... bus

   thinks the world should revolve around him since his dad calls him son.

   What's the big deal about the guy who could pull a truck with his penis? When I was sixteen, I could have pushed it.

   Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving, so never miss a good chance to shut up.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   Women are like roads: the more curves they have,the more dangerous they are.

   decided to judge a book by it's cover.. because sometimes they turn out to be pretty good =)

   Sex is like math,you ADD the bed,SUBTRACT the cloths,DIVIDE the legs,and pray you don't MULTIPLY...

   teach me rules .. I will teach you how to break them !!..!!

   I played a blank tape at full blast last night. the mime next door went freaking nuts.

   I READ Smoking is bad So I gave up smoking I read drinkiing was bad so I gave up drinking I heard Sex Was bad so I gave up on reading