Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   people.with over attitude mid- finger salute..!!:D

   W.O.M.E.N.: Waiting On Man's Every Need.

   not waiting another minute for the lab results... the Valentine cookies from my ex-wife look good and I am feeling lucky.

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt

   Men may be pigs.. Men may be Dogs.. But after all its women that get married to them.

   quitting smoking is very easy , I have done it so many times

   procastinating now. Don't see why I should put it off......

   Why can I not stop watching the Food Network?

   Did everybody see the trailer for the new Free Willy movie? They kept on showing it on the news.

   Gentleman is a man who can play accordeon but doesnt.

   Can clearly see a few people who ate a bowl of stupid for breakfast.

   Tonight I'm leaving my sobriety at home, along with my indoor voice and any behavior that can be mistaken as 'ladylike'.

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $5. a few Canadian women proving that this world truly is becoming too P.C. PRICELESS !!!!

   Oh! So you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar!

   I Did not I Repeat I Did not sleep with that young intern I Was up all night

   Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.

   I just balanced my checking account, and discovered that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill.

   such an unthoughtful farmer that he wants to smash his neighbor's White Mystery Eggs and slaughter their Baby Calf if he can't get them off his News Feed.