Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Instead of a "See who is looking at your profile" application, the one the could be the most fun would be, "See who is online with their chat turned off."

   If you need space then work at NASA.

   attracting success like a magnet!

   Naomi Campbell should take up golf because she's really good at hitting the driver.

   Gun control is using both hands & hitting your target!

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   When a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?... When blondes have more fun do they know it? Just a couple of life's riddles that beg for an answer.

   thought of the day .....if I were a dog and you were a flower I would lift up my leg and give you a shower ! lol

   nothing like a bowl of choclate icecream to soothe a sore throat

   Fending off spidermonkeys with a stick

   Be the fruit loop in the cherrios of lives

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   It's amazing how many beautiful women walk into your life the week before you get married.

   I made my man an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he...

   Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"

   thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.

   Perforation is a rip-off!

   Smith & Wesson - The first point-and-click interface?

   accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.