Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   you know your getting older when your underwear creeps up on you... and you kinda enjoy it...

   wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.

   This girl tells me "you only call me when your bored "ughhh.... duhh!! why would I call you when i'm busy?!?

   Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

   After Al Gore gets divorced, his wife will receive 40 percent of his ego, his ignorance, and the Internet.

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people

   Facebook is doing maintenance on my account. I hope that means they're airbrushing my profile pics!

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update

   I'd be more willing to cuddle with my Wife after sex if she'd be more willing to high-five after sex.

   I'd be more willing to cuddle with my Wife after sex if she'd be more willing to high-five after sex.

   can not believe Google.com banned the word 'gullible' from being entered in the search field!

   today I : 1. asked old people for directions and deliberately walked the opposite way... 2. asked very obese people which gym they used...

   Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   Actual Headline: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

   Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

   House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

   I skinned my elbow on the headboard while making the bed. Does this mean I am dangerous in bed?

   all for the "going green" thing, but she just can't bring herself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."

   thinks we will soon know if Al Gore still believes in cap and trade after divorce redistributes HIS wealth