Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Okay...someone explain this to me. You have five urinals in a public restroom and are using the one all the way at the end. Someone walks in and....out of the four other available urinals, decides to "neighbor pee" in the one next to you......WTH?!?

   We were having too good of a time to worry about what would happen tomorrow.[Summer.oh10]

   Have you ever woke up in the morning wanting to smack someone for NO apparent reason?

   brought to you today...by the neighbor's router. ;)

   Dear Bed, I love you.

   Alright STOP.......pajama time! ;)

   Jogging is too much work, walking is too slow, I'm gonna take up skipping. When people see me coming down the sidewalk, I'm pretty sure they'll make an extra effort to move out of the way.

   It's a known fact that hopping on one leg after stubbing your toe helps to relieve the pain.

   If life were more like a movie, we'd all be dead after about 90 minutes.

   Joined a cult today.

   Why do we say sorry even when they bumped into us? It's way funnier when people say "Excuse You" anyways.

   What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? ........Swim for your life !!!.......jlm

   If I deleted people from my home page, wouldn't it just make more sense to delete them completely?

   They call me brown sugar because I'm so sweet!

   playing COD MW2 to give my brain cells something fun to do in case they're no longer around on Saturday morning after Friday nights events.

   Life Aint Always What It Seems To Be .. you Have Ur Ups N Downs Either Happily Or Sad But At The End Of The Day you Gotta Jus Forget Bout All That N Hope you Wake Up To Live The Next Day

   You call it "too lazy to start something", I call it "patience"...

   bit another finger trying to eat way too many french fries at once

   The political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "my disabled son". Apparently the correct term is "daughter"!?!?

   True Fact: Economic analysts find that the unemployment rate remains at a standstill due to Ryan Seacrest's many job acquisitions within the past several years