Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message

   stupid campaign commercials. Because of them, Everytime before I "Like" someone else's status I say to myself. My name is 'X' and I approve this message

   Why is it that when I walk into a Walmart I feel like I should give the greeter my ticket for the freakshow I'm about to see?

   going to start a hospital and in my hospital when you are admitted you will be ask 2 simple questions. Do you go to church and do you believe in God? If you answer yes to both you are given a Referral to God Form and asked to leave property immediately

   Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

   Do you know why they call it "PMS?" Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

   You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not "professional" any more.

   A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

   I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.

   When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”

   "hi, you are through to the incontinence hotline..........can you hold please?"

   Either I am getting huge or Facebook decreased it's font size.

   Mr. President, please remove your hand from my pocket; I can stimulate myself.

   We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy.

   Hmmmm....what to do with this remaining roll of black duct tape I have now that Halloween is over?

   If you can't beat 'em cheat 'em -Harry Ried

   Sarah Palin for President in 2012......The real end of the world.

   I spend so much time on Facebook that I forgot the internet has porn.

   Tea Party = Undercover White Supremacy

   So let me get this right, I cant legally smoke marajuana, yet I can go to my local gun store and buy a Semi Automatic Machine Gun, a couple of grenades and all the ammo I want? Now who's the one that's been smoking something here?