Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hate whoever invented 6:30 am

   When people say "don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful" you shouldn't answer with "Don't worry, I have plenty of other reasons to hate you."

   Relationships would be great if it wasn't for all those feelings.

   I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

   waiting for everyone else to post their birthday message on my buddy's wall so I can cut and paste the one I like best.

   I'm wondering which is worse; the fact i'm is talking to the toaster or the fact that the toaster is talking back

   has a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and starting to smell

   I'm having a Deja vu of Christmas posts

   Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

   standing under the mistletoe but would rather be under the cameltoe!

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond

   wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.

   has to go pee. and soon, or it's gonna be a BP

   Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.

   supports the whole Movember concept but thinks it should be changed to Manuary

   Apparently 2010 is not the year for Miners.....

   Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just an oncoming train.

   yes I am crazy...whats your excuse? :)

   I'm not being weird. I'm being me. There's a difference. A small one, but still a difference

   If you smell cheese and see pizza ur hungry. If you smell cheese and see feet ur disgusted. Now make up ur mind will ya! Either you like the smell of cheese or not.