Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a little rusty with my Spanish so I'm gonna go ahead and assume "beunos tardes" means "so long, you f****** retards."

   If you want to make enemies, go and try to change something. If you already have enemies, good! It means you've stood up for something sometime in your life.

   I think Franco was hanging with Sheen before the Oscars.

   against recycling, because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

   hooked on ebonics...tru dat dawg

   i didnt realize how many amatuer meteorologist friends I have on facebook thanks for the 112 updates and photos of the floods ;)

   sex is my favorite sport

   Hooked on Phonics werked fer me :-)

   Sometimes I whisper, "I'm on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world....

   thinks you should always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.

   I think I'm gonna start lifting up my shirt, showing off my gut, and demanding to be called The Fatuation.

   The Oscars are over. From now on, any reference to "The King's Speech" should only reflect the things Charlie Sheen says.

   The History Channel isn't what it used to be.

   well the heats off you for now Lindsey Lohan...tell Charlie Sheen thanks.

   Ever want to answer every question with a middle finger? That's kinda where I'm at today.

   Starting a petition for Charlie Sheen and Whitney Houston to co-host the Oscars next year. What a delicious treat that would be.

   The kid from Two and a Half Men looks more like Natalie from the Facts of Life everyday.

   when Ronald Regan was in office we had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office with no hope and no cash

   ran home behind the bus today and saved $3.50. Tomorrow I'm going to run behind a cab and save $20

   Took my hubby to the ER last night with one of those four hour erections. All the doctor did was high five him!