Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ok... I was thinking My wife has 988 friends on FaceBook and knows 15 of them in person I have only 66 BUT I know ALL of them......???

   Found your nose again...it was in my business! Watched your wedding video backwards again...my favorite part it where he takes off the ring and leaves the church!

   I hate when I find parking space and there's already a motorcycle parked in it.

   Satisfied isnt her telling you how great you were afterwards....Satisfied is her being unable too speak afterwards...I Do Work Son!!

   If you aren't going to neuter your male dog then please make him wear underwear. I don't wanna see his junk anymore than I wanna see your's.

   ThatMomentOfPanic as a kid when one of your parents is coming at you with a belt..................."Do I stay or do I run!!!"

   You might as well do your Christmas hinting early...

   K.Y. Slip-n-Slide party at my place tonight!

   Okay, I'll stop. But shouldn't I listen first, THEN collaborate?

   I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, or right and wrong for that matter.

   It takes longer than 2 years to clean up 8 years of Elephant Dung but feel free to blame it on the guy with the broom.

   Mr. Kevorkian: Lifes a fragile thing. one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute your dead meat...

   That awkward moment when you run into an EX that you have purposely avoided and broke up with on FB.

   I have come to the conclusion that people who have had their statuses disliked will go on a revenge mission and dislike other people's statuses no matter how good they are.

   If you're physically knocking someone down to get into the Casey Anthony trial then you need a letter from a mental health specialist proving why you're unemployable

   Woke up with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed... at first I was afraid... I was petrified

   When keeping it real goes bad - making an ass of yourself on your man's facebook wall while trying to mark your territory and make the hos on his friends list jealous.

   I hate when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep" B!tch, you need to hibernate.

   so, you are what you eat. hmmm That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently.

   I'v got a demon in me,evrything I touch goes wrong-The Hangover 2 ♥