Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   believe it, first Kiss is MORE memorable than losing virginity...

   Q( - _-)_____¦__o___Q(-_ - ) *Asian ping pong match*

   Cape Town: The world's largest Superhero Retirement community.

   When a deaf person sees me yawn, do they think I'm screaming?

   World class egyptian soccer fans world class..

   The ground hog in my back yard never seen his shadow...but he had an erection what does that mean...

   alright dudes. we cant be playing with a girls heart, its the only one she has. play with her boobs, she has two of those :)

   My laziness is epitomized by how many files I've names as "hekakdbfkfl"

   Happy Groundhog Day! I hope this day dont repeat itself!

   Walmart is like a free roaming zoo for humans everytime I go I see creatures even the discovery channel hasn't witnessed.

   The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.

   poor Kenyans who thought Obama was one of theirs!!!

   nursing his a55 from the pain left by all those bites from life!

   Whats up with all these duck faces lately they quack me up

   How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?

   I think someone needs to remind the drug sniffing dogs, the "man's best friend" thing !

   Anyone can air guitar. It takes a true artist to air tambourine.

   I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.

   "The trouble with Quotes on the internet is that it difficult to determine whether or not they're authentic" ~ Abraham Lincoln ~

   I'm not a Justin Bieber fan, I don't even like the music. But seriously, I'm sick of all the hating. I don't care how the singer looks like. I'm not defending anyone, but didn't your parents teach you to respect women?