Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Your eyes look so pretty with my hand around your throat. 
When a woman says she likes stamina in a guy, she means over the course of years -- not hours.
facebook is alot like that shi tty car you wanna get rid of because of all up keep and changing of parts but you keep it because it saves gas.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred c*nts who don't do c*ck.
My ex-girlfriend walked past me today and didn't even notice I was there. I must be getting better at this stalking business.
Who else thought the ad for the new World of Warcraft game was a preview for a new kick ass Kung-Fu Panda movie?
They took cigarette ads of TV because it was bad for our nation's health. Sooo....why can't they do the same for political ads?
I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and find out it was made in China.
I know it's hard to believe but one year ago today, it was Oct. 8th...
You're hot, wet, extremely satisfying. You always put a smile on my face and you're the first thing I want in my mouth when I wake up. Ahhhh COFFEE!
Why are the Mexicans the only people with the Cojones to name their kid's Jesus?
soccer is way more fun to watch when you pretend the ref really wants to play but is too scared to touch the ball
Sometimes I don't know whether I want a girlfriend...or a sandwich.
The first time I saw you, I thought to myself, "Is that for me?"
A girl plays with your mind, A woman explores it.
My wife called me a child. I told her, be careful who you're calling a child because if I'm a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit here and get lectured by a pervert.
Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your minde. Feelings and emotions.
Sometimes I laugh so hard that tears run down my leg!
This recurring dream where my FB account gets deleted and I cease to exist.
watches Sunday football with you all day... Wife that girl. 