Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I checked Kelley Blue book today for my car's value, and it asked me if the tank was full or empty.

   Have you ever looked at someone and said, "So You're the reason for warning labels?"

   Good morning crazy people!

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts. Because as soon as I get rich, I'm buying you all tacos.

   A little bird told me it's going to be a beautiful day. My cat ate it.

   Whenever I see a warning label on peanut butter saying it may contain peanuts... I understand why aliens don't visit us anymore.

   Happy Earth Day! I'm doing my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.

   The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

   I couldn't find a parking spot at work today... So I went home. Looks like they had enough people.

   Step one: Go to a drive-thru. Step two: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me?" Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.