Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Welcome to your fifties. You have seven pairs of reading glasses throughout your house, but you can’t find any of them, including the ones on your head.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know you can replace Sweet Child O Mine with Sweet Glass O Wine and it makes for an even better song
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy, so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.
←Rate | 07-10-2020 08:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one ever boycotted my beans! - George W. Büsh
←Rate | 07-12-2020 17:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let’s take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don’t wag like dog tails when we’re excited.
←Rate | 02-19-2020 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss the eighties when the biggest problem was saving the local youth center with a break dancing fundraiser.
←Rate | 06-17-2020 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon hmm didn’t realize until coronavirus how shocking it is to walk into a Walmart men’s room and see all the sinks actually being used
←Rate | 03-06-2020 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, all I know is none of this sh*t was going on when Mtv still played music videos.
←Rate | 06-19-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop blaming politicians and start blaming the fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.
←Rate | 06-24-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.
←Rate | 12-31-2019 19:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.
←Rate | 03-06-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon whoa they've gone way too far when they disarm Elmer Fudd
←Rate | 06-10-2020 01:09 by Lonnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now would be a good time for Walmart to do an alignment on all those crooked shopping cart wheels
←Rate | 04-16-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  




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