Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages
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I’ve decided to raise my kids gender neutral. Not because I’m embracing any LGBTLMNOP agenda but more because I like buying stuff on sale.
Ah yes, it's that wonderful time of year between Christmas and New Years that I like to call "The Festive Perineum".
It's my birthday! I'm finally at that age where I can switch from health food to preservatives.
If I was a cr4ck addict, I might drive to another state to drop off a laptop and then forget about it.
Sometimes I stay awake at night wondering… How long did it take Cinderella and the Prince to realize you can’t base a relationship on shoe size.
My wife is a wild animal in bed. And by that I mean she's more afraid of me than I am of her.
I don't know why people see a stutter as being a negative thing. I love people with stutters. It's like they're giving you a drum roll before they start talking.
My dad said I would always go down in history. He was right. I also fingered a girl in geography.
I say we legalize all drugs at the Olympics. Let's see how fast these MF's can run!
Damn, it's hotter than a spoon at Hunter Biden's house outside.
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