Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Live music can sometimes take me to another place. Like today for example I saw a band who were so bad I left I went to another place.
←Rate | 06-15-2019 15:07 by Moon Comments (1)  

   messageicon Sarah Sanders says she hopes to be remembered for being "honest and transparent". Yeah, and Stormy Daniels will be remember for being a virgin...
←Rate | 06-15-2019 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Live music can sometimes take me to another place. Like today for example I saw a band who were so bad I left I went to another place spirit.
←Rate | 06-15-2019 14:13 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Job well done Sarah now lets put Candace in and really make Libs cry
←Rate | 06-15-2019 10:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING: Sarah Sanders resigns, goes back to lying for free
←Rate | 06-15-2019 07:46 by Fkthatorangefk Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don't want to live anymore I'm going on vacation to Santo Domingo
←Rate | 06-14-2019 23:18 by Frankildefons Comments (0)  

   messageicon it OK to cut in front of someone wearing all Camouflage?
←Rate | 06-14-2019 18:21 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once in my life I'd like to finish a project as easily as they make it seem in the how to YouTube videos.
←Rate | 06-14-2019 11:49 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me no study, me no care, me go marry a millionaire. If he die, me no cry, me go marry another rich guy.
←Rate | 06-14-2019 08:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care who you are, accepting foreign campaign help is not A-OK!
←Rate | 06-14-2019 03:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a prince of whales? I hope he doesn't venture into Japanese waters.
←Rate | 06-13-2019 17:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you gets a link called 'free porn' don't open it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelchek and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Lil
←Rate | 06-13-2019 15:05 by @wiz_of_sarcasm Comments (0)  

   messageicon Word of advice guys. When a girl says "Awe thanks, that's so sweet of you" take a hint as what she's really trying to say is "Back to the friendzone with you!"
←Rate | 06-13-2019 11:36 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congrats on your recent weight loss! Now if only you could cardio your way to a better face
←Rate | 06-13-2019 10:02 by PongLenis Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry this card’s a bit late, but I guess you used to think you showed up a bit late... like bad decisions and condoms. Congrats on your new baby!
←Rate | 06-13-2019 10:00 by PongLenis Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, don't be getting your panties all in a bunch. The ones sold individually are much nicer.
←Rate | 06-13-2019 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vegetarians don't eat meat but they want their food to look like meat. Got it.
←Rate | 06-12-2019 16:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two touchdowns for the US Women's team...too bad they missed that second extra point
←Rate | 06-12-2019 15:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now I get it. When the polls favor you, it's real news. But, if the polls don't favor you, it's fake news. Thank you for clearing that up.
←Rate | 06-12-2019 13:42 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm the kind of egomaniac who would walk out of an Olive Garden, bragging that I negotiated endless breadsticks into the price of the meal.
←Rate | 06-11-2019 16:28 Comments (0)  


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