Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I watched about five minutes of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter on Netflix. That may be the worst thing that has happened to Abraham Lincoln in a theater
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:25 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ironically "Chumbawamba" totally got knocked down and never got up again
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:24 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: Damn. Another gray hair. *plucks it* Old man standing next to me: Ouch!
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Washington Redskins are dropping the name "Redskins" for cultural correctness, which is fantastic. But, to prevent other global embarrassments, I would drop the "Washington " as well
←Rate | 07-13-2020 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I pretty much doubt hillbillies have big back accounts. Big moonshine bottles, yes, but not big bank accounts.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I use to think that wearing masks was so ridiculous and lame. Now that I've seen him wear one, I love masks and I can get enough of them.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know how can cure the Coronavirus. Stop socializing! And you could give me the Nobel Peace Prize later thank you.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 08:01 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Ieft has big vocabularies; the right has big bank accounts. Guess which one pays the bills at the end of the month?
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:40 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with this country is that too many people say they want Justice when they really want Revenge.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The weather is 88 and hazy .. kind of like Joe Biden
←Rate | 07-12-2020 21:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No one ever boycotted my beans! - George W. Büsh
←Rate | 07-12-2020 17:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ask Alexa "Do (state a color or race) lives matter?" and listen to the different responses...
←Rate | 07-12-2020 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who go out to to socialize can be compared to zombies, who are also not thinking.
←Rate | 07-12-2020 16:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."
←Rate | 07-12-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I support Goya: Black Beans Matter
←Rate | 07-12-2020 08:46 by MigdaGwig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dating is like going to garage sales where everything looks great from a distance but up close you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need. 21 minutes
←Rate | 07-12-2020 01:52 Comments (0)  


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