Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Instagram videos beacuse we wanna know if you are paying for the food you instagram.

   I'd do anything for you if I can trust you with my pizza.

   and the preducers of Lifetime make more money

   I know that my boss is impressed that I can work and stare at my phone at the same time. He just doesn't show it well.

   If you like my girl and you richer than me then we can share her it's really not that serious

   I'm done with the bullsh*t. Calf sh*t is officially welcomed!

   They say laughter is the best medicine, and there is no doctors here.

   Someone tell Doctor Ruth, pass the me the beer and alcohol!

   I'll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!

   it would be really hard to read something Yoda wrote if he was also dyslexic

   You know what I'd really like from a woman? Consent.

   All those women out there that thought 'I wish my fella was hung like a horse'. The chances are you have had one in your mouth anyway.

   Sequester Apocalypse? I don't even see any dead road kill on my morning drive to work. I want a refund.

   Thanks for ruining real honey for all of us, Boo Boo idiots.

   Oh Yeah we do it on the bed, on the couch, in the bathroom, standing up, and even in the car! Yep We Loooovvveee to Text!:)

   I am confident but not 'propose to my girlfriend of 2 months live on TV' confident.

   Thinking of renewing my vow... to never get married again...

   I still do nice things for people even though they're a$$holes.. I guess that's my superpower.

   They dont want you to know marijuana....but I do :)

   Some of you even make me question my insanity.