@afewgrins Funny Status Messages

   Why do people think that Jesus is coming back? It's not like he was nailed to a f-kin boomerang

   Saw a fat bird at the self checkout in ASDA today. She scanned an item and it started beeping 'Unexpected item in baggage area' - Salad.

   My mate has absolutey no luck with women. Even when he calls one of those premium rate chat lines they tell him he has the wrong number.

   I threatened a man with a knife today. Don't know why, he could have stabbed me.

   My girlfriend said I was her 32nd lover. I was fine with this until I realized she was talking about time...

   One thing everyone will learn in school: How to text without looking.

   Today; I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas"

   Party Rule No.1: Always make the party worth the hangover.

   Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and bad decisions.