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If breakfast is the most important meal of the day then why do people eat it in their underware? 
golf helps him maintain his higher math skills.
I'm in a quite room with a bubble in my tummy.......... I wonder if the bubble is shy and quite or loud and ghetto.........stay tuned to find out!!!
This program contains graphic material! Jergens and Kleenex optional!
if at first you don't succeed, what makes you think doing it again with make any difference?
I be the same people that brag about how nice and warm it is where they are right now are the same people that were spoiled brats when they were kids.
....if you watch too much TV and become fat as a result, does that make you a TeleTubby?
FB is soo useful always reminds you of birthdays and anniversaries, Never forget your wifes birthday...
at a BP gas station pumping gas.. somebody got to support SMALL businesses!
its very sad Adriana Xenides has died and I'm not even going to make a joke about it. That would be in_p_o_ri_te
Blind people must get stuck in bad relationships because they can't see other people.
Rest in Peace Jimmy Dean. . . Your sausage will never be the same... ( I am not sure I like the sounds of this post after typing it ) Admit it.. You ALL LOVE HIS SAUSAGE!
why the hell are all the hot guys tall, dark and obnoxious?????? :(
A latte should NOT take this long to make! This had better taste like it came from the tit of Angelina Jolie's.
never meddles in the affairs of dragons, for he is crunchy and good with ketchup
Good news. Jesus has risen. Bad news. He will need to be quarantined for 14 days
Happy earth day, earth. Sorry we're destroying your ass.
Now that Scott Pruitt is gone, I fully expect the new E.P.A. Chief to eventually admit that manmade global warming is real and then quickly attribute it to gay marriage.
I might as well prepare myself to say "comrade" a lot and drink plenty of vodka.
Some relationships are like birthday cakes...Once the 'cake' has been eaten the party is over 