Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   One time on Long Island I saw an all-Guido adaptation of 'Life is Beautiful' called 'Life is Freakin' Mint, Yo.'

   I can run with scissors cause I know how to roll.

   Anti-obesity ads featuring fat kids are causing controversy in Georgia. Unfortunately, none of them are forced to to the "truffle shuffle."

   "Take a breath... take it deep" ...brought to you by "Rihanna's daily health tips"

   I'n flinnie and I ripoff Tim Siedell

   I have this roomie who must go thru half a roll of toilet paper every time she uses the bathroom. I'm going broke. Some people are so @nal when it comes to wiping their a$$.

   Dictators dress to oppress.

   We live in a world where you spell world as would

   I should be ashamed of myself but I'm not ! Ok !

   Awkwardly flushing the toilet when everyone else is sleeping

   i whistle alot jus because it makes my lips look like a bunghole

   She was using them for years before she found out they were lint rollers and not for waxing your taint.

   parents are hypocritical.....your not supposed to take candy or food from strangers but what do they let you do every Halloween? not supposed to talk to strangers but every christmas they sit you on santa's lap so you can talk to him.

   Wonders who first decided that female genitalia resembled a beaver? Was there a flat flapping tail? Teeth?

   We should have a "Homeless" Day....celebrated with sales of anything in a large cardboard box and maddog

   It feels like it's raining way harder when you're driving than when you step out of the car?

   I'll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.

   I need a new, non-fatal to flamingos way to deal with stress.

   Work fascinates me...I could sit and watch someone do it for hours!!!

   Good to have a blind friend,,if you fart just plug your nose and point and nod.