Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs... Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

   two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"

   Obama killed Osama and WE'RE getting the 72 versions.

   It sucks when you walk into a room, and you can't remember what you went in there for, so then you leave, then a few minutes later you remember that you're a fireman, and a bunch of people just died.

   Can't wait to celebrate James Earl Ray Day this Monday....

   Dear God.. If that cat puke on the floor disapears in the next 5 minutes, then I will except Jesus as my savior. Amen

   so since Obama is president, does that make it an obamanation?

   After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?

   If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.

   in trouble for moving all the bibles to the fiction section at Barnes 'N Noble

   Be careful what you pray for: you just might get it. Kidding! Prayer doesn’t work.

   In the 90's we had Clinton in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no hope and no cash.

   whats the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered womens shelter? The dishes if she knows what good for her!

   looking forward to July 12th... England 4?5?6? - USA 0

   Pondering the effects of the Reconciliation Budget law on osteopathic medical education

   Not to worry Obama will fix everything while he's on vacation in Rio this weekend......

   I’m trying to teach our self cleaning oven how to do the rest of the house.

   If I was told when I was a kid that in the future, the press would glorify a drug addled jigaboo repeat offending felon who resisted arrest and would ignore 13 servicemen who died, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet here we are.

   Maybe women wear a watch because they dont carry a stove with them everywhere they go you sexist b@stard.

   life sucks (mood:optimistic)