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Brett Favre told the Vikings he is retiring today, but also said he will sign his new contract by Friday. 
Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!
...Playboy launches work-friendly website. Still be nude girls but on every other page will be a naked pic of Hef to reduce workers' erections.
The best stuff on earth and I just got better
I want a woman not some little girl, that had to grow up in daddy's big world.
The difference between women and girls are the price of their boy toys.
Every piece of paper has two good sides... Unless you use magic marker then you're out of luck
Valentine's Day ends tomorrow..so dont forget to wake me up!!!
considering taking on a plumbing study course in an attempt to find a $200,000 Dollar ring down th toilet drain. I already got a diving suite anyway...
Damn my liver just pinched my ass,dosnt this green beer count?
CHAOS, PANIC & DISORDER... I CAME, I SAW & I CONQUERED... MY WORK HERE IS DONE... NOW PUT THAT ON MY RESUME!!
Your iPhone alarm didn't work? Well, as my great grandfather used to say on his deathbed, shortly before his demise....."too bad."
The thousands of falling birds in Arkansas gives a whole new meaning to the game Angry Birds!!
According to Facebook my friend posting she was doing laundry then taking a nap is "Top News".
ignore me and watch how fast you get cut off and stop existing to me.
who needs people when you got pizza
I wonder what gets changed less frequently...the diaper of a crackhead's baby or the filter cartridge in my Brita.
this upcoming snowstorm will really deflate the patriots balls
Nobody in the office seems very impressed that I'm wearing Pull-Ups, despite my insistence that they are "big boy" diapers.
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