Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just saw a crocodile with an 80s dude on his shirt pocket.

   F*ck your feelings. You never cared about mine, So why should I care about yours?

   I'm trying to be kind to fat people because they have enough on their plate...

   Magic Mike? - on my way to see Magic Gina at the gentleman's club.

   Paddy found wires sticking out of his sandwich so he phoned the police."Hello I think there's a bomb in my sandwich""Okay, is it tickin" the police man replied"No" paddy said. "I think its tuna".

   Carlos Santana wanna be, oops, I mean Muammar Gaddafi, is dead.

   I eat the food on my plate in order from least favorite to most favorite

   I finally know what I wana be for Halloween this year....18 Again!

   I think my neighbor it drunk, he is taking his Christmas lights down!

   handing out used motor oil, cottage cheese I left for out 3 days, Nick Punto Baseball cards, and Greek Bonds for Halloween tomorrow night. This should be the last year for a while that I have to deal with trick-or-treaters...

   I dressed up as MySpace for Halloween. Hey why is everyone ignoring me?

   In my experience, passionately singing Phil Collins will clear a room.

   Too many of you HOES confusing thick with fat.....When you THICK, your stomach doesn't dance when you walk.

   What kind of sausage was being served at Godfather's pizza?

   Penguins don't give a flying phuck!

   (phone vibrates) *runs across room* *jumps over couch* *fights off ninjas* *grabs phone* "F*CCCCCK!, I thought you were someone else!!"

   Berlusconi is out of office. Lock up your daughters.

   Sometimes all it takes is a Bud Light at sunset to make me question my atheism.

   Women are such teases, turns out a "restraining order" has nothing to do with S&M.

   My laziness is epitomized by how many files I've names as "hekakdbfkfl"