Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I am Captain Organised..Unlike Batman Superman and Spiderman my underpants are on the inside..

   In terms of emotional comfort it is my belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made c0cktail.

   super excited we got away from your parents this weekend...now if we could only lose your husband/wife....

   looks arent everything, but they sure do help

   You will never hear this combination of words spoken: "hand me that piano".

   things that last longer than a Rick Pitino sexual encounter: 16 second Abs, a Soulja Boy Mix tape, a knock-knock joke, a lap at the Indy 500, a stop light, Brett Favre's retirement, a game of Tippy Cup, an NBA shot clock, Usain Bolt running 200 meters...

   Just because you are chained to the fence...doesn't mean you can't bark at a few dogs

   It would be amazing if hyenas could watch a bunch of '80's films and start to employ the slow clap when being particularly derisive...

   Being up all night with a child didn't bother me so much when I was younger. This got me to thinking... I cannot believe menopause and teaching him how to drive a car is going occur in the same week!

   I just realized I make the same noises when I eat pizza that I do during my "happy time"

   wondering who put a quarter in the hillbilly...shut up already.

   waiting for Pam Anderson to fall out of her dress on DWTS!!

   thinks we don't need a 51st star with our current economy!

   must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!

   My mom hates when I put tin-foil in the microwave and make my own fireworks!

   I am afraid if I started selling my body I might end up on the cover of Forbes Magazine.....

   wishes more businesses would check their signs for mistakes. There is a HUGE difference in "Closed for remodeling" and " Closed for remolding."

   If we all just look at the big picture then no one will ever find the secret vault behind it

   To any and all people visiting Arkansas in the next few days, just ignore all the dead birds and fish! Really, it should be fine....From, Big Brother : )

   The numbers game. Posting a cartoon character as your profile pic. Truth is... All so 2010. New start this year, poke all your friends and delete the ones that don't poke back.