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Women don't fart until they get married... that's when they get an a$$hole. 
Just a friendly reminder: There's 51 shopping days before Xmas. Of course according to the Mayans, the world will end in 48 days, so you decide…
Apparently the little box on the up right side of fb seems more interesting than the actual status updates!
Now that the election is over, we can focus on the REAL issue: Hoes being taken, good girls being single.
Once you realize that someone is rubbing you the wrong way and you are convinced that there will never be a happy ending, you are undoubtedly in a bad relationship or,,,, you are being massaged by a witch.
HEADLINE - Bieber & Gomez split up! This was my rock, my reason for living - what is left, my world is crumbling around me - how will I continue living ? Wait.. where am I ? I thought this was an article about Captain Crunch being discontinued.
My Doctor reckons heavy drinking, eating unhealthy foods and obesity stop you having children. Bollocks - try telling that to guests on the Jeremy Kyle show!
Maybe those huge ass snakes just want to give us a tight hug but are really bad at it.
on't name your bong after a woman, because we all know it's wrong to hit women.
I like the sound of "PSY beats Justin Bieber...in Youtube views" If only he actually physically did it.
CLAUStrophobia = The Fear of Santa Claus !
I would hurt the people that I love for a taco right now.
seen the calvin klein underware ad on youtube, haven't skipped ad in days. Well played YouTube, well played.
Respect my lack of authority
The first rule of iPhone 5 club is you tell everyone about iPhone 5 club.
I was feeling a little under the weather. But surprisingly, I got down from my desk chair and I felt better? It must have been the high altitude.....
watches Sunday football with you all day... Wife that girl.
You're weird, sarcastic, narcisistic, rude and seem like a witch. My only question is, Are free for a date next weekend?
i have a neighbor whos dog doesnt eat peanut butter anymore.. just saying.
I'm really good at hide and seek. Hide my ex's dead body and seek a new girlfriend.
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