Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bet one of these powerful Olympic women could sit on my face & suck out my fillings with one Kegel....Unnhmmm Hope Solo.

   he gets his morals from the men's room wall.

   Show me a poor person who doesn't want to be rich and I'll show you a liar…

   If I just cleaned the floor I'm watching your steps like you're gonna steal something.

   Open Mic Night: When You Can't Quite Land A Gig

   My parents are great people, except when they invite their crazy relatives

   Quitting whilst you're ahead is all very well until it comes to sex.

   I want to be the reason your pants tighten.

   Hear those Screams ??? That's not over Halloween scares. Its Star Wars fans freaking out. Walt Disney bought LucasFilms for $4 Billion dollars. Episode 7 will be released in 2015. I'm wondering how Sheldon Cooper and the rest of the gang on "Big Bang Theo

   I forgive people immediately, after Karma gets them for me.

   Its not a coincidence that its always the ugly girls who say they dont need a man.

   I always stuff the bird on Thanksgiving.

   Maury needs to lock the Door so those Chicks can't run backstage.. Face it bithc

   Cant Help Eavesdropping to a Group of Senior Citizens as they Reminisce their College Life... Funny and Disgusting at the same time..

   you can have Jack Frost!! I want Jack Daniels :)

   My life has been brought to you by.............. "It seemed like a REALLY good idea at the time (Insert: "Officer", "Your Honor", or "Doc" here)."

   Santa's reindeer, Donder? Didn't know that, though it was Donner

   I spy, with my little i, a lawsuit from Apple.

   I hate it when I don't know if you're joking or not.

   I gave my friend the privacy he needed when talking to his girlfriend & now he's like "I could've died when you pushed me out of the car".