Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   To the Mayor of North Carolina: Corey Feldman could clear the streets with one song.

   The flight attendant said put on my mask first before helping others. No problem. The guy next to me is shoeless so I want him dead.

   The somke detector is not a timer...

   Employee: We have to stop testing our products on animals. Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time. Employee: Yeah, but we make hammers.

   I walked in my girlfriend cheating on me with a 6 '8 280 lb Linebacker all I said was " Yo Sis, Dinner is ready"

   Just remember: We are best friend. If you fall, I will always be there to help you back up. As soon as I finish laughing my ass off.

   OJ Simpson will be using Tinder when he gets out of prison. He will have to decide if he wants to slash left, or slash right

   if you we are in the midst of a text/chat conversation and you insist on suddenly delaying your responses withou informing me why then don't expect me to wait and wonder. I moved on after your first delay.

   purposely walked thru and disrupted a wedding so that I could then whip out mentos and pop one in my mouth and smile and make things all good again

   I hope and pray for the day that seals become domesticated. I already have a saddle picked out for when I take mine for a walk.

   o the US Govt. Infected Guatemalan's with Gonorrhea back in the 50's. 1. Why? 2. I bet it was a social experiment more than medical. "Hey lets see if Miguel can talk his way out of this one."

   so Columbus Day has come and gone, but I'm still not taking down my decarations

   rip Barbara Billingsley, Beaver Cleaver's TV mom, dies

   running down the street bare footed to get to ice cream truck on time!

   I need a beer....Or a pillow....or both

   until money changes color, my favorite color is green.

   your hairstyle aint your lifestyle

   Figuring out the three seashells thing is a very messy business...

   Shakeweight.......most akward way of working out xD

   Winners should have 2 things: Definite goals ...And the burning desire to achieve them