Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Freddie Mercury has replaced Elvis as the go to star for Boomer ladies.

   co-worker: ok who put seafood in the microwave me: oh sorry does my lobster smell co-worker: no he’s pinching people

   Do you guys blow on your food when it’s hot, or do you hashafashasha til you can chew it?

   Monday is Memorial Day. I plan on showing my grandsons how to eat corn on the cob typewriter style. The hard part is going to be explaining a typewriter. 🌽

   The Seattle Supersonics are offensive to snails and turtles. 😛

   You think your having a bad day? Clams are getting chowdered. CHOWDERED.

   All those exercise videos are worthless, I watch them over and over and not even lost a Kg

   Daisy Dukes make my General Lee stand at attention.

   If I can’t taste myself on your beard when your finished, then your not done licking.

   Doc asked if I had a strong stream and I told him it’s so strong sometimes I flood the shower.

   With our election choices, I now know how hard it is to be a gold digger!

   Remember that time you found out your crush felt the same way? It’s kinda like that, but it’s just me discovering there are still Pringles in this can.

   Don't forget that the guy who's the reason for the season loves you! And I don't mean Sam Walton.

   Outlook for the rest of winter ... Criss de colisse de tabarnak?!?

   Betty white to preform at next year at 2022 Superbowl ...

   Great Britain just opting for free agency trying to get some of that sweet NBA rising salary cap money.

   Britain be like "April Fools, hahaha..."

   Crooked Melania: So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized?

   Obama: "Don't boo... vote." Ghost: "I didn't really think that was an option for me but you've given me hope I have no arms or body but maybe."

   When I die I want my ashes scattered over a Starbucks WiFi router.