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2 entirely different phrases; each have 3 words and 8 letters: “I Love You!” vs. “Go To Hell!” 
My buddy used to be a store clerk but he lost his job, so he set up a kiosk in the mall to vend for himself...
carefully placed a spider egg sack under my ex's pillow
Dear Nerf, Table legs hurt! Fix that. Sincerely, Stubbed Toe
Ryan Braun - way to beat the "guilty until proven innocent" rap!!
Okay Facebook lovers, you can shove your lovey-dovey cute couple pics down our throats all you want, as we snicker and think to ourselves, "Gee what a goofy looking couple"
when 1 of my lenses fall out, I like to think of the glasses as half full
Sex is like a bowling ball, if your not using all three fingers, you're just cheating your game.
Just remember Satan worshipers, he got his a$$ kicked by some Georgia redneck...
I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m
ME: I miss you KIDNAPPER: Look. I got the ransom money, your family got you back. It's done. Stop calling me.
Lower my gluten intake the doctor said. Over my bread body!
US are specialists in making two countries fight.......Now they are fighting within themselves........Karma you Beauty
Hey Lady, Please don't blame the Holidays ..... For Pete's Sake ..... You you were Fat in August!!!
Whatta ya want for breakfast? Burnt toast and a rotten egg. Burnt toast and a rotten egg? Whatta ya want that for? I got a tapeworm and that's good enough for him!
I don't care about self driving cars. . . What I really want is a self FLYING car.
Bae, I got you bae. -Sonny & Cher 2014
I'm so glad I don't have to hunt for my own food. I don't even know where sandwiches live
I just pressed the Popcorn setting for defrosting on my microwave and it said "wrong button".
It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.
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