Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Oh, you've heard that one before? But not from me though.

   I want to buy the jersey of my favorite 2012 Stanley Cup Champion player ... but nobody my age wants to advertise the work "Quick" on their back ...

   OK if you really want me to watch soccer so be it. but for the life of me I don't understand why the counter counts up????

   Remember If you don`t stand for something, you`ll fall for anything!

   I'm supposed to be sore and bruised from sex, not manual labor.

   My back is sore like I had a night of awesome sex, my b0ner reminds me I didn't.

   now the jumping on Oprah's couch professing my love for Katie is even embarrassing to me. - Tom Cruise

   Last month was one of the wettest 'JUNES' in recorded history. I think that was down to all the 50 Shades of Grey books that were sold !!!

   I'd like to punch you in the unibrow but I am gay, so I will just wax that for you.

   The 3 worst words to hear right now..."Tomorrow is Monday"

   I always keep a backup in case these hos wanna act up!

   Treating a women is like tea time... You just let the pinky do what it wants.

   I emailed my congressman about SOPA and PIPA. I have no doubt that the government will not care though. . . To prove it, I got an auto reply so they will not read it.

   I just heard someone described as a "YouTube star" which I don't think is actually a thing.

   If I hear Jennifer Hudson sing "I am you, you are me...If you want it you got it..." Then I'm going to start expecting her Weight Watchers endorsement checks.

   I have jury duty in the court of public opinion today.

   Happy Hump Day This Sincerely, Those of us who work Saturdays

   likes to fist-bump with a 'i got ur nose' fist

   Doctors say a drink a day is good for the heart. imagine how good it would be with 10 drinks especially with V day approaching..

   figured out the answer to the question, "Why does my dog like to put his head out the car window and he doesn't like when I blow in his face?" Answer: Halitosis!