Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Here's to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve.

   Some days you tame the tiger. And some days the tiger has you for lunch.

   It's important to let go of your dreams if you want to make room for more brownies.

   You have to work to get me and you have to work to keep me.

   ironing clothes for my date tonight when I thought...man, I need a wife to do this ironing...

   excuse my french but when a hot girl tells me "voulez vous coucher avec moi" I turn very "gay"!

   Playing the villain is so much more fun than kissing ass.

   there a law that says your socks have to match?

   My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.

   'Erotic Thriller' always sounds better than 'Terrible Film.'

   Sadly, knowing where the bodies were buried did not save the job of Bob the Grave Digger.

   It doesnt matter if I die a heros or natural death, my friends and relatives at my funeral will ask "so how much bloody alcohol was it?"

   Looking For a Truly Romantic & Meaningful Overnight Relationship, please pm my inbox for details...... Midgets, Casey Anthony and Octomom - Don't Bother applying!

   NEWS: Scientists have discovered that some fish have pedophile tendencies.... (Specifically, the ones that swim around outside the school.)

   OMG !! This Google Circles thing is the Shizznitt... - posted on Facebook.

   People are instagraming their tweets so they can upload it to facebook....technology these days

   noticed something today at a restaurant. the womens restaurant sign is wearing a dress but the handicap sign beside it isnt...is the handicap woman naked?

   Going "balls to the wall" is something that I will never ever ever ever EVER do, cuz... youch!

   In this lifetime you either win the Triple Crown or you get tendinitis. You can't have both.

   Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are vanishing into thin air...... Police say they have several leads...