Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   anyone understand what women even do with toilet paper? because if they used it to dress up as egyptian mummies i'd probably understand.

   If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate,,, they'd have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Susan is already taken.

   I know I am a little crazy, that's a part of my charm. If you don't like it, then get off my unicorn!!!

   Now that there will be a woman on the $20 bill does that mean it will be worth less than the ones with men on them?

   Remember when King Solomon threatened to cut the boy in half so he could determine if it was Brandy's or Monica's? 😂

   Sorry I asked for a receipt when you gave me your heart..

   I would like to that "The Walking Dead" for making it socially acceptable to openly talk about which family member you think would get eaten first.

   I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew

   I wonder if God watches Maurry and thinks about who he's going to tell to build the next ark?

   My heart says "No", but my erection says, "Shut the hell up, Heart"

   This weekend seemed to go a little faster than most. :/

   3rd straight week without drinking alcohol. People separated from your loved ones now I totally understand you struggle and pain.

   Most people are surprised to find out I am a grandmother, especially my daughters boyfriends.

   "I'm defintely more of a 'go big' than a 'go home' guy" ~ Me to the cashier as she rings up my 30 pack.

   I never thought I would ever say this, but I am supporting Lindsay Lohan in this catfight. Lesser of two evils is my reasoning.

   just inbox me if you wanna ask something avoid my wall

   I want you and pizza. I'm so good at this romance sh*t.

   Meanwhile, Mc Fazzerino, (the test tube baby) can spell, and signs his posts instead of hiding behind a blank name field. And is also amused by the fact that someone other than my mom knows my dad's sperm count.

   Guys, just answer truthfully.ur answers may help me in my new year resolutions. Do you think am a "Drunk?"

   The only reason I'd yell at you, is to get me another beer.