Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   All Yoga becomes "Hot Yoga" once the down dog pose starts.

   Sometimes you need a drunken nap in the bathroom before you go to bed. Thats all.

   I'd have more money if I didn't buy that $20 shirt back in 2009

   My teenage daughter says I'm not cool, what does she know. *takes out phone from fanny pack to write this status update*

   Another day ruined by responsibly

   The American Airlines air hostess was so old that I offered her my seat today

   I give to charity, I don't recycle my aluminum cans and just throw them in the garbage. Not one homeless person in my area.

   I knew I had nailed it when she said she didn't remember seeing me do my Bill Cosby impersonation.... or anything else that night.

   This LAUSD situation reminds me of Die Hard 3. LA better watch the the financial district and lots of dumb trucks

   Cousins are Cool to see, Impossible to Forget and True to your heart.

   Steps to survive on a dessert island... 1. check spelling... 2. if correct, enjoy

   I think the Dowager Countess of Grantham should run for President.

   Just walked into a public restroom. Seriously? What angle does one have to be to achieve that particular splatter pattern?

   ..... I Dunno about Grizzlies Mr. Obama .... But I'm pretty sure Black Bears Matter ....

   Actually mom, I'm not writing tweets about handjobs anymore I'm into fisting now. Happy?

   Wow!!! Madonna exposes 17-year old's breat during concert, teen calls it the best moment in her life. Hmmmm....I thought all of Madonna's fans were all adults in their 40's and 50's.

   My dream in life is to be a guest on the Maury show.

   The best memory of American Idol is when Ryan Seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy with Kelly Clarkson winning a distant second.

   Easter Pro Tip: Wrap up grapes in color foil and give them away as chocolate eggs to your family and friends.

   Dr. Dre is a rapper, I always wondered what medical school he went to....