Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The only drinking problem I have is, I DON'T have a drink !

   If your keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you're losing...

   Call me crazy, but I want more. More sex, more love, more LIFE.

   It would seem there's a weird pleasure in loving someone who doesn't love you.

   Oprah has been engaged to her boyfriend Stedman for 20 years and my girlfriend complaining its only been seven years since we got engaged.

   Usually when I drink too much I start feeling like the world revolves around me.....really fast and for. Mon

   Who's birdbrained? They flew south while we are freezing are asses off in this polar vortex

   What time does the Puppy Bowl start??

   I’ll see your two hour spinning class, and raise you 15 minutes on the treadmill

   I am not going bald on the crown of my head, it's an alien crop circle.

   My wife's snoring was so bad, I woke up and thought my buddies came over on their Harleys.

   Made it to that level of dad where I just called dibs on the TV that I bought in the house that I own with the cable I pay for.

   Animal Kingdom Fact: Cheetos are fastest land munchie

   Most college girls join a sorority....few earn the title of a US Marine.

   Destiny was never given to us, we chose our own...

   Samsung Galaxy S7 is a water-resistant smart phone which features a 'Charging Warning" when wet. If you want a better way to electrocute yourself, there's always throwing a toaster in a bathtub option!

   Tell me again why we have to Facebook stalk your therapist?

   I poured his heart out and it evaporated. FML

   Pringles should be the only chip company to sell air.

   December is when all the Spring Break babies are born.