Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like to bury my huevos every day, not just today

   Ex-teammate says Lance Armstrong used PED's...I think I speak for everyone when I say "You didn't know till now?"

   whatever you do, no matter how hard it is. never engage panic mode

   Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That's how many seconds you just wasted.

   I think the scientific term for life is, "that's some bullsh*t."

   so many bad things happening in this world at this moment like iggy azalea

   Sharks in the ocean? what's next, birds flying in the sky? when will the craziness end?

   If you want the perfect girlfriend date Wonder Woman..Oh wait, she's not real either!

   Let's drink until we don't have feelings

   Old world problems were to get crumbs from the computer keyboard... new world problems removing the crumbs that fall between the glass plate and smartphone case

   I really should get out of this destructive relationship, and find someone better, but I'd hate to mess up a good thing.

   You lost me at, ‘We need to talk’.

   licking cheeto dust off his fingers counts as foreplay, right?

   There's a HUGE difference between sarcastic and sardonic. I'd call you intellectually challenged but I'm fresh out of euphemisms.

   Inspire someone to leave the house, by setting it on fire.

   Give me constant mixed messages so I know..............nothing.

   mondays that pretend to be sundays....

   And that's how Tax returns were spent in 2015 - aka the mayweather vs pacquiao tax return .

   Like a good neighbor..... Me and Meyham from Allstate threw a party in your house because you bragged all about your vacation on Facebook.

   "We need to talk" - Your Finances