Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Thinking that a woman will never cut your heart out and slice it into cute little pieces for her next lover is so cute and naive.

   Whoever coined the term "Poor little old lady" has obviously never shouted out.... B I N G O!!

   A Valentine's Day tanning bed trip.  Because nothing says "I love you" quite like "I wish you were different."  Way to go Don Juan.

   Feel the pain of 9.99999 Karma points *smack*

   well, so much for the world ending....i even charged my phone and installed the battery saver app!

   my moneys on the Mucho Macho Man in the Preakness cause the real Macho Man Randy Savage will be snappin in to a slim jim from above~ OOH YEAH!!

   Things a woman should know first before we start dating - My fav beer is your fav beer, My fav team is your fav team, you can have freewill on everything else.

   I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect

   Facebook -- a place to indulge your ADD and OCD all in one place.

   The cover of my book will be a sledge hammer about to crush a engagment ring! That, or a close-up of me in a fetal position sucking my thumb.

   Nothing like a sentence that goes nowhere.

   Why is "Children in need" always towards christmas time? Having to give gifts to the kids I already know is hard enough, but I have worked it out, their more happy with an empty box then the gift...

   Save electricity!!! No point of turning the bathroom lights on if you're planning on just sitting there.

   MY gf says I would look real sexy with a Brazilian ..so I'm off to First choice hope she likes it, and its only ..$17.99.

   Its not the heat, its your FACE!!!

   You were on my good side, until you told me that you believe Elvis is still alive.

   I'm trying to rule the world, you want to own a lot of shoes. We're not on the same playing field.

   Made a list of all the things I still want to do while I'm alive. I put "listen to a Justin Bieber cd" straight after "Suicide". Cant wait...

   thought I had a touch of Alzheimer's, but I had forgotten what the symptoms were.

   I was looking through and fondeling melons today at Wal-Mart.