Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Never assume your boss will find the dancing nude lady screen saver you put on the company computer as entertaining as you do.

   Studies indicate that most of the damage can be reversed in about 15 years, if you want to let your babies start smoking now.

   When people younger than me complain about getting old, I beat them to death with the agility of a much younger man.

   Error 404 : Honestly, our developers have yet to create that file!

   I take the cat approach to things now. When people that I don't like pass by, I just hiss at them.

   One would think it impossible for Turkey Jerky to actually taste as revolting as it sounds. One would be wrong.

   The guy next door is a sleeptalker. The girl in the other room is too quiet. We're all being monitored by people in white uniforms...

   Today is my day off so I'll spend it worrying that I'm wasting my day off before I have to go back to work.

   I like reading "Texts From Last Night" when I'm hungover... It's like yeah I'm pretty ridiculous, but at least I didn't take a dump in someone's shampoo bottle and then text about it.

   I'm one of the premiere snugglers of my generation.

   Hated by many, wanted by plenty, disliked by some & confronted by none...

   I find it distressing that some folks' universe doesn't radiate beyond the highest hair on their heads.

   at starbucks in my 'forever lazy' , starting to feel a little self conscious, people in line keep peeking in my ass flap, next time I'm wearing underwear

   Recent studies suggest that balding people have cooler heads, opposite socks still fit, and red crayons break easier then blue ones... (@_@)

   tricked my ride with pinwheels on my antenna, if only my moms didnnt make me put that big ass orange flag on my bumper

   restaraunts, where everyone imagines their food goes from the floor to your plates, but we eat it anyway, no matter how expensive

   just found a Adam Sandler for President FB pg... has there ever been a thought that hasnt been made into a page or group?

   From the moment I opened my eyes I"ve thought of you. Just thinking of the moment I can hold you in my arms. Pull you next to me and press my lips to you. You warm my heart and calm me down. You make me smile and complete my life. Oh morning coffee, "i LO

   My kids had to ride in the back today on the way to school. ..well the dog called shotgun.!!.

   Reviews are in for Windows 8, looks like it's going to be the best Facebook access device yet.