Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My wife texted me that she was not wearing any underwear. When I got home she was mad at me because I hadn't done the laundry in three weeks.

   My wife could not deside who to marry me or another guy who proposed to her. So she tossed a coin. I lost.

   I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?

   My prediction for the upcoming week: You will have many WTF moments.

   As a kid I was always wearing shoes too big and didn’t know why until one day I remembered my childhood and my dad saying - walk a mile in mine.

   besides smashing their face with a hammer, any other cures for snoring?

   It's sad old people won't live to see time travel, because how bad do they want to find the jerk who carpeted over this beautiful hardwood?

   if brain cells were made from dynamite, you wouldnt have enough to blow your nose!

   there a cure for being sick & tired of being sick & tired???

   going downhill from now on! HEY. that's the way I roll....

   anyone else noticed that the orbits girl in the commercial is different now? What happened to the original orbits girl?

   says all people have the right to stupidity but far far too many people abuse that privilege! o_o

   Don't try to outweird me--I get stranger things then you free with my breakfast cereal.

   What will happen during the LOST series finale? My guess is that Matthew Fox wakes up back in Chicago next to Suzanne Pleshette.

   did you know that Women in New York may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.

   with or without you, I'm still going...

   taking shots of NyQuil and RedBull...

   under your bed

   went to pick you a flower but it was a venus fly trap and it bit his/her head so he/she got you a blade of grass instead

   looking down his pants wondering when the itching will stop.