Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If things are slippery when wet, then why is it so hard to get socks on my wet feet?

   I went to the zoo today and saw the elephants . . . but I don't want to TALK about it!

   A scarecrow is outstanding in his field.

   i have a man flu. I had a good run, I think this is the end for me. Tell my family I love them.

   Every dog has it's day . . . mine has his on the first day of March at H&R Block and usually ends up with a huge tax refund!

   The major cause of a divorce is the marriage.

   We can be the kind of people who put daffodils in vases. Or we can be the kind of people who leave ants outside.

   Everyone is talking about the royal wedding but life isn't a game of thrones

   Play boy no longer have nude models...... What is this world coming to.

   I never go to bed with ugly women. But somehow I wake up with them.

   Getting married is the second most popular thing we do in our lifetime. Getting divorce is the first.

   Did you know my people invented the Toothbrush? If it was invented by anyone else, they would have called it a teethbrush.

   Your Nano died? No biggie, just recharge it. Oh. You said "Nana", didn't you? Damn.

   My wife used to be a size eight. Now she's a figure 8.

   9/13 Happy birthday Milton Hershey, thank you for the Hershey bar. Also is Scooby Doo day.

   Time heals all wounds, so if your uninsured, get a watch!

   Come on people, does your vote really count? Or is it just a big con?

   We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not.

   In two days my optometrist promised me 2020 vision.

   Come join the world wide movement called "I pledge to bend over and pick up a random piece of garbage on the street or wherever I see it" movement. Like and share if you like to join!