Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If heaven is gonna be full of religious fanatics n 'holier than thou' people, I am not going...

   Raisins are just senior citizen grapes.

   Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.

   A few of my favorite things: 1. Raindrops on roses 2. Whiskers on kittens 3. Bright copper kettles 4. Warm woolen mittens 5. Coffee and pizza..

   Sure, soccer is the worst thing ever but at least when some smug idiot tries to tell you "it's football" you can punch him without remorse.

   "Frosted Flakes is a part of this complete breakfast,,, which is also complete if you remove the Frosted Flakes."

   Ladies, it's October, breast cancer awareness month, I'm giving free breast exams. . .

   Hay girls! Not getting to swallow is like dropping your ice cream cone.

   Iran sends monkey into space, the UN needs to check that, they might be building a zoo up there!

   In 1984 I was 10 and burried a time capsule to be opened on new years day 2014....Well the day is almost here and I am so excited to see how big my puppy has gotten

   It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

   According to D!ck Clark this new year's eve is going to be the "besjtkdksnsm newsjsjsoa evesjdddb."

   My cuzn's baby's daddy's lil bruda's bes fren's uncle's x-wife's boyfren's mama's awnt's nexdoe neigba's susta in law said tell you Mur Cripmus!

   Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too

   - If you wanted a pig, why didn't you just take my wife!

   at Starbucks in Iraq with his friends. Wait, this isn't Starbucks, and those aren't my friends.

   Am always telling the truth unless am lying.

   It wouldn't be a normal Sunday on the couch watching the Baltimore/Indianapolis game without the Erectile Dysfunction commercial. 4 hours? Goddamn.

   Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

   wanders if a turtle lost it's shell would it be homeless or naked? :)