Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The Thunder God went for a ride Upon his favorite philly. "I'm Thor!", he cried. The horse replied, "You forgot your thaddle, thilly!"

   When I say 'Netflix & Chill' sometimes I mean that. Stop kissin' my neck and watch this serial killer documentary with me or get the tf out.

   I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.

   You know what it means now that Mr. Potato Head has been made gender neutral? Yep. No more Tater Tots.

   Future Job For Kellyanne Conway: Starbucks Barrista.

   asked by his wife to buy her something that goes from 0 to 80 in less than 5 seconds for her birthday...but she didn't like the weighing scale I got her.

   I don't get why people drive old cop cars! Damn it, I had to chug that beer quickly..oh well I'll just open another.

   .All sexy women should be seen in 3-D...That's my apartment # 3 - D .

   Randon thots by KG: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

   Just because you a ten cent hoe don't make you a dime piece

   Looking forward to the royal divorce.

   You can't buy happiness but you can buy icecream which is kind of the same thing!

   Those people with central air conditioning think they are sssssoooooo cool.

   It doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you know the truth then that's all that matters

   Every time a car passes by me with an old matress strapped down to the top, I often wonder if there is that little possibilty that a prostitue could be making a house call!

   now that oprah is gone, Can we put daily football on?

   Made up words that people use to sound smart: Supposably, Irregardless, Exspecially

   if God created us in his image why the Hell don't we have powers?

   this is going to be a long black history month of hennesy, watermelon and friend chicken

   The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight.. I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil.