Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Real, Recognize Real, And I Can't See Or Hear None Of Yall." -Helen Keller

   GLORY HOLE (post on your buddy's wall)

   if you wanna womanise.., you should condomise..

   Confused! My gf is complaining about tennis elbow and she doesn't even play tennis!

   Smokey the Bear says that "only you can prevent forest fires." Great. My job is hectic enough, and now I have to go around doing the work of lazy firefighters?

   Lindsay Lohan is spending the holidays in rehab, poor girl..no friends..no family, no drugs..no alcohol..I'm just sayin!!

   I wonder how many tattoos you can get for the Sugar Bowl trophy...

   You can never plan the future by the past.

   so easy a Cavewoman can Do him

   I don't have a short attention span...................Ooo Shiny!!

   Ugggh.. won't work just end so I can hurry up and go to fight club already?

   Just booked a table for me and the other half for tomorrow - f****** hope she's good at snooker lol?!!!!

   My girlfriend has very bad taste in clothing. Her only dress I love, is the one she takes off...

   believes you can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

   I love quarterbacks eating dirt, Pom-poms and short skirts, Fans who won't quit and twins. I love burritos at four a.m. Parties that never end, Dogs that love cats and...And Twins!"

   Try this: Get in a elevator with a bunch of strangers make sure you'r closest to the door,then turn and say, "I'm sure you'r all wondering why I gathered you here."

   Hey Bellichoke let em walk in the endzone, you f#ck...

   Go Daddy, more like Crash Daddy!

   Geez, how many pigs do I have to kill to get the term "hamicide" to catch on.

   ...... OMG ...... forget about worrying about the end of the Mayan Calendar on 12-21-2012!!!! ..... I just noticed that my Staples Calendar ends TONITE!!!!! ........ YIKES!!!!