Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I smoke because I enjoy the smell of death.

   Velveeta Cheesocalypse...Why weren't we prepared?

   Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.

   That special moment when you enter a Starbucks and because the music is loud, you feel free to fart. Then you realize that you had your headphones on!

   Be careful when you're thmoking a metal bowl in thub thero temperaturths.

   the stanley cup > a silver football

   So hom0s like men clean shaven, hairless, emotional, caring men? Why don't they just go for women???

   Want to make friends at a new job? When going to the bathroom, choose the urinal next to someone and strike up a conversation. Be sure to compliment their stance and form.

   So I send you numerous lives on candy crush, you flirtatiously Thank me and suddenly we're only "just friends".

   Why would canada discontinue pennies?? That country doesnt make cents

   If you won't wear a chef's hat while pleasuring me orally, I don't see this relationship going anywhere

   "Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. 'I won the lottery'." This recipe is for poor girls.

   I continue to be a loser while everyone else around me succeeds. It must be the government and poor peoples fault.

   For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me

   People don't want to go outside when it is raining.. Scared your fake will wash off?

   My favorite collage is Morehead State, my favorite fish is the suckerfish and my favorite bird is the swallow. Are you taking notes ladies?

   I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...

   I've got my injury from the Vietnam war, it was from a hunting accident while hiding in Canada

   why is the wedding cake at a Portuguese wedding made out of S#it? It's to keep the flies off the bride.

   Kindly read the book which hasn't been adulterated by Human additions/versions. The Book which is timeless and has been perfected for all mankind (till da end). Apparently, Straight Pride is nw frowned upon. What a m3ntally r3tarded society we live in