Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Alcoholism is not a disease.........it's a goal!

   Its the love of money thats the root of all evil you retard get your facts straight..

   I'm trying to break my record of 4 wanks in an hour, I'm abit tired I hope I can do it. My sisters pulling for me

   found my favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

   Due to rising fuel costs- NASCAR has announced its switching from laps to lapdances!

   Davy Jones died today? Didn't Jack Sparrow already kill him?

   Her: Changed Relationship status to Single.......Him:"LIKE".......Her: Keep dreaming buddy!!

   ‎~ Why second-guess - what feels so right - Just trust your heart ♥

   I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumb ass.

   I told my wife when she turned forty I was going to trade her in for 2 20's. She told me I was not wired for 220!!!!

   You'd think bringing sexy back would be hard work but all I had to so was wake up and get outta bed....

   After Watching a scary movie.:IT'S OKAY I DIDN'T WANT TO SLEEP TONIGHT ANYWAY.

   forecast for tonight? Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.

   If the happy in love couples are called "love birds" the miserable fighting couples should be called "angry birds"

   Found out my american indian name is "running sqiurrel touching it twice"

   D.N.A actually stands for National Dyslexic Association

   Thank goodness Jon Bon Jovi is alive after all, Nickleback would be nothing without him.

   I'm glad the whole planking phase is over. Now I can go back to napping on the sidewalk without worrying a picture will show up on Facebook.

   Has 99 problems. All bittches.

   Having a dog as a friend better than having a friend as a dog ....