Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Kinda pissed that OJ is living a better life than me right now.

   Man Came home,saw his wife with his friend in Bed,he shoots his friend, Wife Says, "If you behave like this ,you will lose all your friends."

   Did you hear about the cereal Bill Belicheat and "Shady" Brady eat before games? Cheaties!....The breakfast of champions.

   I don’t like towels so after a shower I just sit in a tub of rice

   I put my phone in airplane mode and started constantly banging my knees on stuff.

   We don't want affordable health care! We demand tax cuts for billionaires!

   Well, Groundhog Day has been a bust. As Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow, he was immediately detained and subjected to extreme vetting to determine whether he holds anti-American views. The ACLU is protesting and demanding his release.

   Women’s time is different. My brother and I are still waiting for my mom to come out of the grocery store when she said it would be 30 minutes. That was 1986

   You had me at hello. You lost me at your wearing a mask in your car pulling into my driveway.

   Hey Hillary supporters, Your here illeagly so you wont be getting a chance to vote.

   Don't forget to use bleach when washing your basket of deplorables. It makes them whiter.

   I'm chocolate and I got a thing for Vanilla...

   Hey Clay Aiken, Rocky Dennis called. He wants his face back.

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments

   Bald people stop stressing. Your scalp is just taller than your hair.

   sometimes doing the right thing aint doing the right thing...

   Major League Baseball received numerous calls from Rangers fans threatening suicide, so they have set up a new suicide help line. The number is 1-800-STL-1029

   Had to take a drug test on my lunch break for my life insurance policy, the lady told me that I passed and asked me why I look so angry, I told her that my dealer has some explaining to do now....

   Always remember "You can't save these Hoes, That's Jesus job."

   Which is scarier, faceless kittens or faceless babies? And what's in ketamine?