Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So my girlfriend thinks we should move in together. I told her no. She asked why, I said "you have bad habits" she paused and asked "what habits?" to this I gave thought, and said "your cooking"

   What do you say if Chris Brown is your blackjack dealer and you need another card?

   is out making some changes in her life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   Don't worry about avoiding temptation. After I have slept with you once I will avoid you.

   Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? A. He did okay until his business fell off.

   If the Americans can't find Osama Bin Laden, they should stop looking, sit down with a cup of tea and try to think where they saw him last. This always works when I can't find my car keys or the wifes hairbrush.

   just finished his studies as in an Analyst and Therapist, and is not a fully qualifies Analrapist

   on my way to Oz on the yellow brick road but overshot it by 150 miles- I was having an argument with myself, I was not asleep, got here OK, hanging with Glenda.

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.

   picking all the W's out of their M & M's, gosh, there's just so many! :/

   Happy National Weed Day!!!

   I drink everyday that ends in “y”, I sleep everyday that ends in “y' I wish I could say the same about sex!

   Kevin says: " Ive been poking this girl on facebook for a while.... But I dont get it.. All I do is poke her, and thats it.. no conversation, no thank you... no nothing.. WTF? :]"

   Just had a customer call me for a quote, and he SANG me all his information..... so I sang back.. " ? If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ?.... Didnt get the sale..

   I'm good at reading between the lines when I'm doing cocaine off of a Kindle™.

   its POOP again....Don't put it out with your boots TED!!!

   The 186th rule of Fight Club is there is no such thing as a male BFF...!

   The Skirt, skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your ass!!

   With all the disease in this world, I'm just happy I didn't catch "The Stupid", or any other airborne illness like Freckles

   Some days I wake up Grumpy....other days I let her sleep in....