Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   relieved that the bottle of "Glass & Steel Cleaner" was "Not tested on animals".....

   ...when the therapist asked me about my relationship with your parents, I replied "non sexual" the facial expressions were well worth the $100 dollars.

   I went to a spin class led by Sean Spicer. It worked completely different leg muscles because all we did was back-pedal.

   LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

   I cut my finger when changing the spark plugs on my car. This proves that it *is* possible to get blood out of a tune-up.

   FYI, an extra $1.25 isn't considered a great increase, IMO. Just saying....

   Dear Maw & Paw. I've been captured by the blue wave. They actually fed me, clothed me, got me medical attention, and teaching me to read. Total monsters.....Love, your son, Billy Bob.

   I'm watching a little known show on Netflix called Tearjerker. It's about a guy who cries while he m@sturbates.

   the worst part about cooking for others is not licking the utensils every time you stir something

   "Santa, have you been working out? It sure shows. By the way, I love the new work flow plan you've established for the elves. Very efficient!" - Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer

   QAnon: because the Tea Party wasn't stupid enough.

   Nothing says "4th of July" than a huge tank.

   RIP Mandela. I watched and loved all your movies.

   DINGLE BERRY: A small piece of poo clinging for dear life on the ass hair like it's the gym rope.

   Happy Valentines Day baby, just to prove my love to you I am going to take you to Red Lobster today for lunch and let you get appetizers and shiattt

   Dinner for two at a fancy restaurant $75, A bottle of wine and scented candles $30, Finding out she swallows...Priceless

   I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she's not that ugly

   decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

   L.I.F.E. = L.ive I.t F.ully E.veryday

   Do those Jehovah Witness guys on the bicycles ride south for the winter? Hadn't seen them in awhile.