Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   What I am asking Santa for this year is his list of naughty women over 30. . .

   new way for a woman to get even with her ex....take his credit card & go on a shopping spree at target

   ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ I'm Dreaming Of A White Isthmus ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ .....(Hey what can I say, I have a thing for snow covered narrow strips of land connecting two larger land areas.)

   brought home warm beer.. put one on the back porch.. 3 minutes a side.. came out perfect

   Jameis Winston's trial has been overturned, because he is getting raped!

   I asked for a glass of cold water from my drunk af friend I found him with a cup in the microwave. I told him "I said cold water whys it in the microwave?" He replied "we didn't have any cold water, so I'm melting ice for you" l

   The police are searching Justin Bieber's house for eggs. "Take your time." said every rapist and murderer.

   If the 'D' stands for death, then yes, my Wife REALLY wants my 'D'.

   Did Obama not give insurance to the Comedians around here?

   soccer weenies ?? try some rugby......eejit!!!

   only close minded individuals talk about politic on social media!

   Now, Jose won't take away the toilet scrubbing job away from me.

   My fly's been down all day ... so I left some feces particles on the toilet seat to try to cheer him up.

   On my next geography test, I'm putting down Kansas City in in the state of Kansas.

   this is a good time to buy the Halloween candy. it makes great stocking stuffers

   Rude is saying STFU. Polite is saying please STFU.

   "Is you house baby-proof?" Yes, I threw like 7 babies at it and the house didn't break.

   It's a sad day when a 4 year old girl is more calm and collected than a police officer.

   If you LIKE a comment that attacks me on my FB you are also getting deleted and blocked. Guilty by by association.

   Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here screwing sheep.”