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I'm not a professional pilot, but I can wear a pair of aviator glasses and helicopter my wiener in the front yard for like 3 hours straight. 
Congress is now drafting new legislation that would make it mandatory for anyone purchasing this appliance to be entered into a national pressure cooker database. Details at 11
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien spaceship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe Flash Player.
they say dogs and owners look alike.. is that why Obamas dog is sportin a fro and is black an white?
The J€ws only use the Old Testament, because its too expensive to upgrade.
So another shooting occurs in another College..... I dont know why we not making the bullets more expensive than college by now
Waiting for some indian dude to come out with a song called Ghandi style
Chasing a FAT MAN in red with salad, Oh It's SANTA
on an Hedgehog's back, Wearing underpants made of cast iron.
says the funny thing to do is get in a elevator where everyone is going a couple floors up and let a silent one go and watch peoples faces
my best friend said the best sex he ever had was with a cougar......i don't even like big cats
we always knew who the fat parents were picking up in elementary school
Starting to think my Imaginary friend has serious issues....Hey!! You better get down from there, If you fall and break your legs don't come running back to me Pal.....What!!!! Don't look at me with that tone of voice...
will be weed smoking and turkey pulling this weekend... oops! reverse those verbs!
versatile..........put him in any position and he will always perform
OMG I just wasted my time watching the twilight series :love triangle between a depressed girl a 110 yr old vampire and a werewolf !
behind every great man is a woman, and behind that woman is another woman....... And another woman....... And another woman.... And another
pole dancin on a numba 2 pencil... IT'S FRIDAY!!!
What do whales eat? Fish and ships.
I'm sitting on my couch and updating this status from my cell phone just so my friends think I leave my house occasionally
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